I’m Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest day of my life…

AP via WTOP: Man Rams Car on I-95, Claims to be Jack Bauer:

A college student was given probation for repeatedly ramming his car into another man’s vehicle, claiming the man was a terrorist and he was the character Jack Bauer, a federal agent on the Fox television show “24.”


According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral’s van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility.

Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting “he’s a terrorist,” according to charging documents.

Jack: I have killed two people since midnight. I have not slept for over 24 hours. So maybe, maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are. Sit!

“My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist,” Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents.

Moron didn’t even know how to spell “Bauer”. And he got his seasons mixed up. Tool.

Officers contacted Sullivan’s father who said his son was not married and the family was fine, authorities said.

Police officer: You’re lying.
Jack: Yes I am. But you’re still going to have to trust me.

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