Top 10 interview gaffes

From Reuters: Answer the phone? Sniff armpits? Top 10 interview gaffes:

The list, based on a survey of 3,061 U.S. hiring managers and human resources professionals by research company Harris Interactive, found the top 10 most outrageous mistakes were:

– Candidate said she could not provide a writing sample because all of her writing had been for the CIA and it was “classified.”

“Of course, I can’t provide an employment history either because it’s classified.”

– Candidate told the interviewer he was fired for beating up his last boss.

Come on, who hasn’t done that?

– A candidate for an accounting position said she was a “people person” not a “numbers person.”

That didn’t seem to stop a certain person from trying to be Sheriff again.

H/t: Ace of Spades HQ (mild content warning)

The following is a parody…

Prologue: The following is written in the vein of a recent news story from WFLS that stated:

Jacob McHale was believed to have been abducted by his mother, Carianne McHale and her boyfriend, Matthew Borowski.

Anyway, to the feature attraction:

Jacob McHale was believed to have been abducted by his mother, Carianne McHale and her boyfriend, Matthew Borowski. Sure, the child was described as being taken while he was “kicking and screaming”, but that’s what the po-po and the child’s grandparents said, but you can’t trust the fuzz, and old people can’t remember stuff from five minutes ago. It’s also possible those old folks couldn’t remember the appearance of their own daughter while said daughter abducted their grandchild. For all we know it’s was a practical joke gone bad. Perhaps an early April Fools’ Day joke or something?

In other local news, it is believed that Donna Blanton was found guilty. We sent a reporter down there to cover the story but he must have gotten lost on those nice sandy beaches or something. It’s a negligible point anyway.

Rascally

Also, the Caroline County Board of Supervisors is believed to be holding a meeting tomorrow where it is believed that Superintendent Stanley Jones will present the School Board’s proposed budget. Sure, that’s what the agenda says but we can’t be a 100 percent sure at this point. It may all be a trick by that rascally County Administrator Percy Ashcraft (if that is in fact his real name) to mess with us.

The General Assembly is believed to be misusing your tax money in ways too numerous to count. Right now we’re investigating that, but we haven’t found enough evidence to draw a conclusion. Ditto for Congress.

It is believed that the General Assembly did manage to repeal the “abusive driver fees” but we weren’t there, so we can’t be a 100 percent sure right now.

It is believed that several Republicans voted to keep the “abusive driver fees” and sure enough that’s what the roll call votes say, but we can’t be sure at this point.

Let’s make some glue…

AP via Richmond Times-Dispatch: Horses wander onto Va. interstate, block traffic:

Transportation officials say three horses wandering along Interstate 64 stopped eastbound traffic at the Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel for about 30 minutes this morning.

A Virginia Department of Transportation spokeswoman said state troopers rounded up the horses, which were taken to a garage at the tunnel until animal control officers could arrive.

A VDOT spokeswoman said authorities got the call about the loose horses about 5:45 a.m., after drivers and VDOT employees in the tunnel control room spotted them.

The horses are believed to belong to Hampton University.

I’m Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest day of my life…

AP via WTOP: Man Rams Car on I-95, Claims to be Jack Bauer:

A college student was given probation for repeatedly ramming his car into another man’s vehicle, claiming the man was a terrorist and he was the character Jack Bauer, a federal agent on the Fox television show “24.”

[…]

According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral’s van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility.

Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting “he’s a terrorist,” according to charging documents.

Jack: I have killed two people since midnight. I have not slept for over 24 hours. So maybe, maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are. Sit!

“My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist,” Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents.

Moron didn’t even know how to spell “Bauer”. And he got his seasons mixed up. Tool.

Officers contacted Sullivan’s father who said his son was not married and the family was fine, authorities said.

Police officer: You’re lying.
Jack: Yes I am. But you’re still going to have to trust me.