The following is a parody…

Prologue: The following is written in the vein of a recent news story from WFLS that stated:

Jacob McHale was believed to have been abducted by his mother, Carianne McHale and her boyfriend, Matthew Borowski.

Anyway, to the feature attraction:

Jacob McHale was believed to have been abducted by his mother, Carianne McHale and her boyfriend, Matthew Borowski. Sure, the child was described as being taken while he was “kicking and screaming”, but that’s what the po-po and the child’s grandparents said, but you can’t trust the fuzz, and old people can’t remember stuff from five minutes ago. It’s also possible those old folks couldn’t remember the appearance of their own daughter while said daughter abducted their grandchild. For all we know it’s was a practical joke gone bad. Perhaps an early April Fools’ Day joke or something?

In other local news, it is believed that Donna Blanton was found guilty. We sent a reporter down there to cover the story but he must have gotten lost on those nice sandy beaches or something. It’s a negligible point anyway.

Rascally

Also, the Caroline County Board of Supervisors is believed to be holding a meeting tomorrow where it is believed that Superintendent Stanley Jones will present the School Board’s proposed budget. Sure, that’s what the agenda says but we can’t be a 100 percent sure at this point. It may all be a trick by that rascally County Administrator Percy Ashcraft (if that is in fact his real name) to mess with us.

The General Assembly is believed to be misusing your tax money in ways too numerous to count. Right now we’re investigating that, but we haven’t found enough evidence to draw a conclusion. Ditto for Congress.

It is believed that the General Assembly did manage to repeal the “abusive driver fees” but we weren’t there, so we can’t be a 100 percent sure right now.

It is believed that several Republicans voted to keep the “abusive driver fees” and sure enough that’s what the roll call votes say, but we can’t be sure at this point.

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